Musing Myself

Breakups suck. But if  you’re going through one I have great news:  The worst of it is over now.  Congratulations, you’re no longer stuck in relationship limbo wondering when/if you’ll break up.  It happened.  It’s over.  And that’s a very good thing because being stuck in limbo of any kind is sucky, and you’re not the kind of person to settle for sucky, now are you?

A lot of the pain you’re feeling is fear.  You’re not sure what’s going to come next, if you’ll ever find love again, or what to do with yourself on the weekends.  And that’s okay.  You’re allowed to feel fear, but just know the pain and fear will fade as you keep going.

You can’t control how someone else feels, but you can control how you act.  You don’t want to look back on this horribly difficult break up period and think “Oh good, I drunk dialed my dignity away in less than 2 days. Go me!”  Because when all this passes (and it will) all you’ll have is you.  Hopefully a stronger, funnier, happier you with his/her dignity still intact.

I highly recommend this book It’s Called a Breakup Because it’s Broken.  The authors are that guy who wrote He’s Just Not That Into You, and his wife (who I guess WAS that into him, get it! Hahahaha…ok, I’ll stop.)  Anyway, this book made me laugh at a time when life seemed grey and sad and lonely and for that it’s worth the $3 used price on Amazon!

Please Please Please DO NOT do any of these things:

X #1  Have sex with them.

Sure it’ll feel good for a while, but once it’s over you’re both still the same two people incapable of making a relationship with each other work.  Orgasms are not superglue they will not hold the two of you together.  Sex with your ex is like pouring salt in a wound.   Actually it’s not at all since salt in a wound would hurt like a bitch whereas the sex might actually be enjoyable.  But my point is sex with your ex will only reopen those wounds you spent so much energy trying to heal.  And now you get to feel heartbroken AND cheap when they walk away after the deed is done.  Sexy, huh?

X #2  Text, call, email or randomly show up at his favorite hangout, work, Mom’s house.

When one person wants out of the relationship this is not a problem that can be talked out.  After you’ve had a few drinks I know that texting “IDK why U don’t LUV me N-E-more?!” seems like a brilliant idea but it’s not.  Do not hit send.  Do not call.  They don’t want to talk to you.

Besides there’s nothing to talk about.  When one person has decided they no longer want to continue the relationship you can’t talk it out.  You can’t use logic, reasoning, guilt or begging to make someone love you.  And how are you planning to cut that painful emotional tie if you keep listening to their voicemail every two hours?  Put the phone down.  Please.

As for the misguided, yet perfectly orchestrated “chance” meeting you have all planned out in your head: Don’t do it.  See figure 7.2 for details.

X #3  Look at their Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, etc.

Really, do you feel better now?  His life is going on without you.  Do you feel better to see he’s partying with his boys or worse some girl or even worse his ex.  Anyway, who cares what he’s doing with his life, this is your life.  You’re the main character!  Go live your life and leave his Facebook statuses and tagged photos alone.

Definitely DO these things:

(Click the READ MORE  link for 3 awesome things you can do to get over your breakup and get back to your amazing self!)

#1    Accept it, and Indulge in it.

You feel like shit.  You’re not going to feel better for a while.  Sorry but it’s true.  Somebody that you loved and cared for has decided they’d rather not be with you anymore and that HURTS.  So you go right ahead and throw yourself the biggest, saddest, bestest Pity Party in all the land!  Break out the fuzzy socks, the PJ’s, the tissue boxes, ice cream, old love letters (emails), photos, and any other breakup cliche’ items/activities you can think of.  Give yourself some privacy and hole up in your house for a day or two.  This is your time to indulge in the privacy of your own home so be sure to throw a temper tantrum when you’re out of ice cream and see that he still has not called you.  It’s okay, no one can see.

#2   Start dating yourself!

Hey there sexy.  Look at you!  Screw your ex, and start dating yourself.  Chances are you have way more free time now that you’re dumb ass Ex isn’t hogging it all!  Focus on yourself.

What do YOU like to do?  What passion or hobby or friendships did you let slip while you were dating?  Take yourself out to an art exhibit, go horseback riding, plan a night out/in with a friend you haven’t seen in a while.  If that all seems like too much right now, how about a nice walk around the block?  And when you get back make a list of anything and everything that interests you.  And tomorrow after your second walk around the block do one thing on that list.  By shifting your focus from your broken relationship to building your new life you’ll heal much more quickly AND discover all kinds of new things about yourself.

#3  Forgive them.

Yes they are a big fat stupid face for hurting you, cheating on you, dumping you, kicking your cat, or whatever other nastiness occurred during your courtship.  But you have to forgive them for your own sake.  I know it’s tempting to flip flop between thinking they were the best guy in the world to thinking he is a complete tool but the truth is somewhere in the middle.  He’s just a guy (or She’s just a girl).  There are plenty more, and the good news is almost every time that people end relationships, the next relationship they have is even better.

Most likely the person wasn’t trying to hurt you, they just wanted to do what was best for them.  And if they were trying to hurt you then feel happy you’ve escaped the clutches of a psychopath.  Either way once you’re done grieving the death of your relationship, let go of your resentment.  And forgiving someone who hurt you is so easy once you’re happy with yourself and your life.

So I know it hurts like hell right now, but it’ll get better.  Take it easy on yourself and just remember that every relationship you’re in is not meant to last.  One day you will find one that does, but this one didn’t.  And that’s okay.  You’ll heal from it and hopefully look back on this breakup and be thankful that it happened because it changed your life.  You’ll feel silly for ever wanting to settle for your broken, busted up, old relationship!

Good luck!

Love,

MuseGirl